Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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