hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
