The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
a search helicopter?!
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
