we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
