I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
