Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
