In the future we'll all be gay
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Randomize
