Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
we're so committed to being not committed
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
