So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
