My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
