We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
