Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
