youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I have grass duct taped all over my body
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
