textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
