Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Someone shattered a urinal.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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