It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
