So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
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You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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