All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
ok first of all what the fuck
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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