Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
