I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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