awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
