Even the bartender felt bad for me
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The Olympian is in my bed
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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