we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
