im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
