Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
