Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize