Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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