So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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