saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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