I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
