I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
