i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
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I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
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No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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