I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
