God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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