Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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