If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
