I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
