Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
