U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
