btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
