"it" just moved
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
