if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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