South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
