why didn't you poke me back
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
