"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
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