this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
