Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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