I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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