i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
