Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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