he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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