i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
