I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
