Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
