We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
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You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
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She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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