i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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