I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
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