I wish I could punch you in the face.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
should my penis look like a turkey
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
