So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Enjoy the penises
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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