Michael Bay diarrhea
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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