i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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