you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
