So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
