I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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