Kiss
Puke
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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