Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
i out mim tonsoeep
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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