Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
