Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
