apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i will never coherently bang her
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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